Healthy Family Connections is sponsored by NeilDBrown.com.
Our mission is to empower parents, teens and couples in every family in the U.S. and beyond with skills for healthy interpersonal connections. It’s a mission we can achieve by engaging people, one conversation at a time, and providing ways to upgrade the dynamics of their interactions. Our motto is "out-of-the-box solutions for family success.”
Will you be the next family that gets empowered?
If so, there are two ways you can get started right now …
1. Sign up at neildbrown.com for a weekly family tip in your inbox to improve connections in your daily life … and
2. Ask a question and we’ll answer it on a Healthy Family Connections podcast episode.
HEALTHY FAMILY CONNECTIONS addresses the many dilemmas facing parents, couples and kids, offering out of the box solutions that empower listeners to confidently meet their parenting challenges. Being a family in our era is challenging under the best of circumstances. Parents contend with a culture in transition and competing ideas for parenting. Neil Brown, author of parenting hit “Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle,†is a master family therapist with a talent for providing clarity amidst the confusion, addressing common concerns as well as serious problems.
In this first podcast, Neil gives context for this podcast series. We all want our families to be healthy and happy. We aren’t always prepared for the inevitable challenges to creating this health and happiness. This podcast provides practical guidance for creating, and sustaining, healthy dynamics in your family, dealing with the way the world is changing around us and the uniqueness each of us brings to our family.
Our question in this podcast comes from Jess, from Oakland, California. Jess asks, “How can we set aside screen time, without constantly arguing about it?†Neil provides a way to think about screen time and how to deal effectively with the behaviors that surround it.
Family gatherings are the hallmark of the holidays. If there are sibling issues in our families, the holidays can be a time when they surface and we may feel anxiety about this. In this episode Neil gives insight and instruction to the mother of two teenage+ daughters who won’t get along.
In this podcast Neil answers a question posed by Anna, asking how to maintain her “adult side†when she finds herself in a heated argument with her husband. Neil deals with fighting at the personal and the relationship level and gives solid advice for how to get through emotionally painful situations
Neil responds in this episode to a question about lying and developing trust and honesty in a child who has chronically lying behavior. You’ll learn a perspective that will empower you to be a parent skilled in helping your kid to develop honesty - in a way that is practical and authentic for both you and your kid.
In this episode, Helping Your Depressed Teenager, Neil addresses a question for Tracy, a mother in Victoria, Australia, concerning a child who says “he doesn’t want a life.â€
The focus in this episode is about setting and holding healthy boundaries in families. Thanks to Jeremy, of Aptos, California, for asking an honest question about a situation that comes up all the time. My Inlaws are in my Business.
Thanks to a question from Jessica in Gainesville, Virginia, Neil expands the control battle strategy conversation beyond the family environment to a middle school classroom, demonstrating step-by-step how “The Talk,†key in transforming control battles in families, can also be used successfully by teachers with their students.
Shannon of Santa Cruz, California, asks what to do about a teenager who won’t do his homework! Neil provides insight into potential reasons for this which could require additional support, such as ADHD or other situations, and provides a strategy for empowering a teen to develop the ability to embrace challenge and take ownership of their own success.
Neil responds to a question posed by Jennifer of Oslo Norway, who asks how to best parent her teen who has been diagnosed with autism after a “break-down.â€
This week’s question is from April of Santa Cruz, California. April is asking “when should your wants and needs overrule your kid’s wants and needs?â€â€¦ Neil gives practical tips for doing just that. Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you de-termine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
This week’s question is from Jennifer of San Francisco, California. Her question is about her youngest child who, different from her older siblings, seems especially anxious and angry. There are lots of pieces to this scenario and Neil addresses them with actionable advice. Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Jasiri of San Jose, California asks, “What are appropriate and effective methods of discipline for outspoken, independent and highly intelligent 6-8 year olds?†and Neil gives context for the question itself and a learning approach for such a spirited child to develop the skill of cooperation without making her gifts wrong. Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Are we being picky if we require our gifted straight “A†son to get physical exercise? In this episode Neil discusses the importance of physical activity and setting limits with gifted kids, an excellent question from Marie of Dallas, Tex-as. Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
This episode is focused on a question from Priyal from India, who is currently living in Iowa City, Iowa, and it’s one Neil never anticipated being asked. Priyal asks, “How do you help a child establish a relationship with God? How do you make him or her spiritually aware? And at what age?†Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil addresses a question from Lisa, of Aptos California. Lisa’s 15 year old son spends a lot of time avoiding being at home and being with his parents, saying his parents are boring. She wants to know what she can do about this. Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Mike of Salinas, is worried for his 39 year-old daughter. He’s concerned about the possibility of emotional abuse in her relationship with her 55 year-old boyfriend. Mike asks Neil how to intervene without causing further problems. Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Healthy Expectations for your Depressed Teenager Should a parent lower expectations if their teen is dealing with mental health Issues? Let’s say you’ve already tried some combination of therapy, wilderness experiences, a residential treatment center, psychiatry, medicine, and your teen is still depressed and doesn’t want to go to school, complaining of head-ache, stomach ache, fatigue etc. Will requiring your kid to go to school cause them to get even worse? Should you excuse their absence from school, or should you let them suffer the consequences of an unexcused absence? What’s the best way to be a good, responsible parent and have the best out-come for your kid? This question goes to the very heart of successfully treating depression in teenagers. Listen in for actionable advice for what you as a parent can do. Sign up to get your free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are in a normal power struggle or a more destructive control battle - Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Tracy of Victoria, Australia, wants to know how to deal with her 16 yr. old son who wants to be treated like a young adult yet isn’t managing his responsibilities. Neil addresses this question by helping listeners understand how parental self-doubt and burnout undermine empowered parenting and the ability to set healthy limits. Neil then inspires listeners to turn 3 critical causes of self-doubt and burnout into empowered parenting. Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
At a recent presentation to middle school parents, parents wanted real solutions to dealing with aggressive pushback from their teenagers. In this podcast Neil shows listeners how to deal with four common forms of teen pushback and gives parents the critical skills to avoid Control Battles and Parental Burnout and set their teenagers on a healthy path forward. Sign up for our weekly newsletter and receive a free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are having a power struggle or a control battle. Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Raising successful kids means teaching our kids to be comfortable with failure. In this episode Neil finds the concept of personal vulnerability emerging in many places and all pointing to the same thing, vulnerability, courage, and success all go together. Neil introduces listeners to a book by parents, Dale and Monica Vernon, How Imperfect Parents Lead Great Families as an example of embracing our vulnerable, imperfect selves as critical to our growth and success as parents. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
A former client helps Neil learn that he needs to not take clients’ understanding basic concepts for granted. In this episode, Neil takes the basic concept of “listening†that many of his clients are struggling with, and breaks it down so we can all understand and be understood in a more productive way. Then he challenges listeners to take the one week test. Sign up to get your free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are in a normal power struggle or a more destructive control battle - Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Professional Moms often struggle to get the support they need from their families as well as from their employers. Neil shares some of the insights from Mogul, Mom, and Maid by Liz O’Donnell as she explores the challenges of woman in the home and work worlds. And while the challenges of High Performing Moms are plentiful, Neil offers down to earth advise for avoiding the pitfalls and getting the support Moms need and deserve. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Neil dives into the discussion of the pros and cons of the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why and then offers parents some helpful advise for addressing it. As usual, Neil presents some interesting points of view and doesn’t mince words. Sign up to get your free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are in a normal power struggle or a more destructive control battle - Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil helps parents use summertime planning with their teen-agers to teach planning skills and help them utilize their time away from school to their best advantage. Neil offers some great ideas, some valuable resources, and some great ways to engage the parent-teen discussion. Sign up to get your free checklist to help you determine whether you and your teen are in a normal power struggle or a more destructive control battle - Enter your email address here >> http://eepurl.com/bjMAiX Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Neil answers a question from Al of Chattanooga Tennessee who is struggling to get his teenagers and preteen to do their chores without a fight. Neil explains why chores are important to child and teen development and reviews some of the common mistakes parents often make. Neil gives Al and all parents a strategy to shift out of the chore struggle and put parents, kids and chores on a healthy path forward. He challenges all parents, grandparents and child and teen caregivers to make chores a positive learning experience for kids. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Young Adults are living at home more commonly than ever before and parents need to know how to support their young adult kids without enabling them or supporting their bad habits. In this episode Neil offers great tips for knowing the difference as he answers a question from a mother in Culver City, California concerned about her son who lives at home and doesn’t seem to be making progress in his career. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Neil answers a question from a Mom who wonders whether therapy is helping her depressed daughter or not. Mom is walking on eggshells wondering what she’s supposed to do. Neil explains some of the causes of depression and the challenges facing teen girls in particular these days. He then goes on to show how individual therapy too often disempowers parents and how a family approach can be far more successful and enduring. Neil offers the Mom a plan to get the right kind of help and off of the eggshells. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Marissa of Seattle Washington has tried lots of techniques to get her two boys, ages 8 and 10 to cooperate, but nothing ever seems to work. In this week’s podcast, Neil explains the two types of change and how to use the right one at the right time. Then he shows Marissa how to create lasting change in her family. Hint: We should be using one kind of change every day.
Stefania, the mother of a 17yr old reports that her husband is so distraught over their son’s behavior that it is ruining their lives and wants to know if she’s wrong for wanting her own happiness. In this episode Neil explains how parents’ feelings can overwhelm kids and can interfere with their ability to learn and grow from their experiences. In the end he prescribes happiness for Stefania and her husband. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this podcast, Neil explains the powerful impact of the Negative Cycle on relationships. He shares the story of his work with “James and Lisa†to show how effective therapy works by focusing on ending the Negative Cycle. Neil challenges listeners to look at their own participation in negative cycles and alternative ways to engage with their partners. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this podcast, Neil responds to a Dad who is stuck between backing off and letting his son fail, and fighting and arguing to get him to do his work. Neil shows this Dad and all parents how to set the school year up for success by teaching goal setting and planning skills to our kids. Neil emphasizes the importance of teaching our kids the skills they will need to be successful adults. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this podcast, Neil responds to a Mom who wants to establish rules and limits with her 16 year old that haven’t previously been in place. The catch is, her daughter is strong willed and Mom anticipates her daughter feeling like she is losing something she already has and fighting and arguing. Neil discusses the issue of innate temperament in kids and how to help them understand and appreciate themselves yet not be limited buy their temperament. Here’s the catch, parents have to grow beyond their comfort zones as well. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, a father wants to know if his son who gives up easily is suffering from low self-confidence and what to do about it. Neil responds to this dad by reminding him that the way we frame a problem will decide how we deal with it. Neil offers a way to think about the problem that will let Dad help his son develop a “growth mindsetâ€. Neil ends the podcast by challenging all parents to ask themselves if they are setting a good example for their families to be life long learners. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to a question from a mother struggling in control battles with several kids at the same time. Neil cautions this mother about her likely parental burnout and offers her a new path forward. Neil explains the difference between being “other-person oriented†and “self-oriented†and how the former invites resistance and the latter invites healthy child and adolescent development. Neil explains how and why self-orientation is a positive personal quality distinct from selfishness and self-centeredness, which are negative personal qualities. Neil role-plays examples of the differences in approache that might just sound painfully familiar. Neil ends with a challenge to all of us to look inward and ask ourselves where we are other-person oriented and where we are self-oriented and to work to become more self-oriented selves. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to mother who feels no one in her family is getting their emotional needs met. Neil offers the listener a deep understanding of emotional needs, and why many people don’t get theirs met or know how to meet the needs of others. Neil offers some powerful tools for addressing emotional needs even under the most difficult circumstances and he includes some realistic scenarios as well. Neil ends the podcast with a challenge for all of us to focus on and provide validation to others, and then write and let him know what happens. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who struggles parenting her 8 yr. old and is riddled with guilt and anxiety. Neil helps this Mom understand the role that childhood trauma and abuse is playing in her life, and how to shift out of survival mode, to a place of health and recovery. In this dynamic podcast, Neil invites the listener to examine how they were “programmed†in childhood and invites them to “upgrade their programâ€. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to a mother’s concern that her kids are constantly fighting and being mean to each other. She doesn’t want to referee the fights, but she wants things to change. Neil talks about the critical nature of sibling relationships and how to establish values and behaviors that children and teens will honor. Neil invites listeners to examine whether they are asking enough of their children and teens and challenges everyone to empower their parenting. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to a mother’s concern that her kids don’t have friends. She worries that they are being bullied as she was in school. Neil uses this mother’s question as an opportunity to kick off Bullying Awareness Month. Neil takes a look at what bullying is, where it is, who gets bullied, who bullies, and how we can start to deal with it. He explains that empowered kids are the least likely to bully or be bullied. Neil invites the listener to review their own values and ask if they include respect and support for everyone in the home. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to a mother’s frustration that telling her 21 year old and her 16 year old daughters what she expects is getting her no place. In this episode, Neil helps her find her voice and the self-respect to use it. Neil explains the importance of kids respecting their parents in order to develop self-respect. He reflects on the frequent societal norm of girls and women not being raised to expect their voices to be heard and respected, and he invites listeners to believe in the importance of their voices. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil interviews Dr. Valerie Quandt, Principal of Jordan Middle School in Palo Alto California, on the subject of bullying in middle schools. Dr. Quandt offers her insight into the changes in bullying behavior from the hallways to the social apps. and her awareness of the effect of the changes in the political tone on bullying behavior. The discussion includes who is most vulnerable to bullying or being bullied, what the schools are doing about it, and important steps all parents need to take now. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil relates a coincidence of sitting next to and talking with a psychologist who is an expert in bullying behavior on a plane flight and he relays her message of the importance of secure attachment to healthy empathic behavior in children and teens. Neil then looks at the link between bullying and what often goes on to be sexual harassment in the workplace and domestic violence. Neil looks at how we have to address these issues at every level of our culture, from family culture to school, workplace and political culture. And finally, Neil ends the show with an emphasis on the importance of growing empathy in our culture and how a strong value on empathy would affect every level of our society. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to mother whose 14 year-old daughter suffers from anxiety, yet won’t cooperate with treatment. Parents feel handcuffed setting limits because their daughter gets all A’s in school and they don’t want to add to her stress. Neil identifies the family control battle and offers critical steps the parents can take now. Neil reviews the many sources of stress plaguing teenagers today and challenges us all to look at the ways we avoid addressing critical issues with our kids and reminds us that our teens need us to be positive empowered parents. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother concerned that she’s going to be doing a lot of cooking and entertaining on Thanksgiving, with no family support from her husband or teenagers. Neil uses this mother’s dilemma as an opportunity to help her bring “Team Family†together to make a special day for everyone. In the process Mom learns how to go from a model of supporting and serving to a model of empowerment and leadership. Neil ends with a challenge to all of us to examine the message we’re giving our teenagers. Are we letting them know they’re important and that we need them? Neil invites the listener to ask a teenager for help, and in so doing, gives them the right message. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother struggling with her son whose only way to calm himself down is by playing video games. When parents take his Internet access away, he can become violent. Neil sees that this youngster is struggling with an emotional dysregulation disorder and helps Mom realize the severity of the situation. He then goes on to present a path forward to ending the family Control Battle and get real help for her son. Neil offers that given the severity of the problem, if her son remains violent, that residential treatment should be considered. Neil challenges all of us to examine our emotional regulation skills and how well we’re teaching these skills to our children. Neil offers a family exercise to help everyone become more connected to themselves and each other. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil helps the listener see adolescence as a journey with three distinct stages. He describes the developmental tasks of each stage and key parenting objectives and reminds us that young adulthood is the final stage of adolescence. Neil challenges the listener to see adolescents, who are making mistakes or struggling, as needing us and to suspend judgment and help them feel worthwhile and important. Even when setting limits or withholding privileges, we can let them know that it’s a journey and that we want to support them in making it a successful one. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil addresses the challenge of kids being unproductive with their time over the holiday break. Too often kids will quickly fill unstructured time with activities on their electronic devices and fighting that can be a source of parental frustration. Neil stresses the importance of teaching kids to use their time well and helps parents set up a planning session with their children and teenagers. He encourages listeners to teach and reinforce personal development to their children and teens and Neil shares a quote from one of his clients, “Parenting is the ultimate exercise in delayed gratification.†Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil explains why New Year’s Resolutions so often fail and how to create one that won’t fail. You’ll learn how looking at ourselves through a negative and critical lens is rooted in our childhoods and how to change to see ourselves in a healthy way, how to act in more self-valuing ways, and how to make a healthy New Year’s Resolution. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose 14 year old daughter argues every request and decision. Neil explains the importance of teaching healthy arguing skills and even gives this Mom a way to turn things around with her daughter. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who is concerned that his special needs son will grow up to be a hermit. Neil explains the importance of holding a healthy vision of his son by focusing on his strengths. He helps Dad out of the Parent-Teen Control Battle and puts him on a path to Empowered Teen Parenting. Neil also encourages Dad to utilize some resources for high functioning autism spectrum disordered teens. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who wants to know if her son is addicted to video games. Neil explains the inherent addictive nature of games and gives some guidelines for managing games and identifying addiction. Neil encourages parents to start early teaching self-management skills to kids and offers a way to intervene when gaming is getting the upper hand on the teen and the family. Neil challenges listeners to take the risk of over involvement with devices seriously and to not allow them take us over. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling in a Control Battle with her teenagers and her husband. She wants high standards for her kids while her husband thinks it she should back off. Neil explains that control battles can be complex and can be thought of as choreography, and he gives an example of a family pattern that is likely going on with them. He then helps this Mom find a way to change her participation in the pattern and have her expectations taken seriously. Neil challenges listeners to examine the ways they may be dis-empowering themselves and to bring their best selves to their lives. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Dad concerned that his young adult son isn’t happy. Neil looks at how Control Battles can develop when parents over-focus on making their sons and daughters happy. He engages a discussion on the subject of happiness; where it comes from and how to raise our children and teenagers to live happy fulfilling lives. Neil challenges listeners to examine the question of whether we, as a culture are over focused on happiness. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom with a rude and demanding 13 year-old daughter. Mom feels guilty because she’s been yelling when she gets to the end of her rope. Now she doesn’t know how to respond when she goes to set limits and her daughter, and her daughter points out that Mom’s behavior is just as bad as hers. Neil explains and demonstrates use of “The Talk†as a method to shift out of an old unhealthy pattern into a new and healthy one. By helping Mom take responsibility for her own behavior and making amends, she can now require her daughter to take responsibility for hers. Neil challenges listeners to examine the question of whether we are doing too much for our kids and then being resentful when they take advantage of that. Neil challenges listeners to always require our teenagers’ best. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil talks with Clinical and Educational Psychologist Mark Burdick. Mark specializes in evaluations and placements for adolescents and young adults who require greater support in settings such as wilderness programs, residential treatment and recovery programs. In this episode, Neil and Mark discuss the challenges of families living abroad or in new locations as well as some of the ways to address their increased need for support. Neil challenges listeners to be mindful if their extra need for support if they are relocated or to support someone they know who is new to an area. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Dad whose son says removing his privileges is just a form of punishment. Neil explains the concept of earned privileges and how it teaches and encourages children and teenagers to develop personal responsibility, an empowering skill necessary for happiness and success. Neil then answers this Dad’s question directly and gives him a strategy to talk with his son and effectively switch from consequences to earned privileges. Neil ends by challenging listeners to get out of the rut of giving ineffective consequences and shifting to the model of Earned Privileges. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother of a 15 year old teen who stopped caring about his school work and is hanging around with a kid who is exposing him to marijuana. Mom feels helpless and desperate. Neil identifies this mother’s disempowered attitude and her parental burnout as contributing factors. Neil offers several actions Mom can take and role-plays a talk she can have with her son. Neil ends the podcast by challenging the listener to be aware of disempowering themselves and he offers the Alice Walker quote: “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.†Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother of a 17 year old teen who has been suffering from GAD or generalized anxiety disorder for several years. He’s has lots of professional resources but hasn’t gotten better and now he has no friends and doesn’t talk in school at all. Mother’s question is whether or not she should require him to go to Adolescent Therapy Group or not, since he doesn’t want to go and is fragile. Neil helps this mother understand that their 17 year old and his parents are in a Control Battle, albeit a passive one, where parents are trying to get their son to move forward, and the son is avoiding and trying to stay in his comfort zone. Neil offers several things the parents can do to immediately effect change. Neil Challenges the listeners to understand and remember that chronic problems with children and teens always exist in a family context and if you want the behavior to change, the family pattern will need to change. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother of a young teen girl who blames her for everything and when she gets mad says, “I hate youâ€. Mom and Dad’s best efforts to help her calm down, feel loved and get perspective haven’t worked and they’re wondering what to do. Neil explains how the temperamental differences between the parents and their daughter are interfering in their ability to offer support and accountability to parental standards to their daughter. Neil shows this mother and listeners how to match an intense child or teenager’s emotional level in a positive way to reestablish accountability. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to the mother of a 10th grade girl who does well in most areas, but doesn’t pursue friendships and doesn’t like to challenger herself. Her favorite thing is being at home and playing with her brothers and her parents. Neil explains that kids develop in different ways and at different times and reassures this mother that her daughter is healthy and on her own developmental path. Neil addresses the issue of parenting information overload perhaps making parents overly stressed when their child or teen is unique in some way and Neil cautions against the tendency to focus on areas of relative weakness rather than on areas of strength. Neil provides this Mom with lots of good ideas to help her daughter continue to grow and thrive. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to the mother of a 20 year old son with social anxiety living at home, not working or going to school who spends most of his time in his room playing video games. Mom is wondering if she needs to kick him out and change the locks. Neil helps this Mom see the Control Battle she is in with her son and supports her in reclaiming a healthy vision of him while setting limits in a healthy manner. Neil role-plays a Control Battle Ending Conversation she can have and recommends intensive therapeutic resources that can get this young man the therapeutic support he needs. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has given his son permission to smoke marijuana and drink, if it’s not to often, not too much, and not when driving. Neil helps Dad see that this poor decision was made in a Control Battle based relationship that has left parents disempowered and burned out. Neil reminds Dad of the vital developmental tasks taking place during adolescence and gives Dad a way to get back on track. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is beyond frustrated with her gifted son. While he gets good grades and an invitation to apply to an Ivy League College, he seems indifferent and doesn’t keep agreements. Mom wonders if he is on the autism spectrum or has oppositional defiant disorder. Neil explains how gifted youth are often not sufficiently challenged and can miss out on developing a “Growth Mindsetâ€, a vital element in personal success and happiness. Neil shows this Mom how their Control Battle based relationship is bringing out the worst in both of them. Mom’s frustration and anger is interfering in her ability to understand her son’s issues and parent him effectively. Neil gives Mom a plan to improve things before her son goes off to college and challenges listeners to ask themselves if they are using a tone with their children, teens, or even their spouses, that is both safe and positive. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil Interviews Amy Rose, a substance abuse treatment professional of Recovery Happens Counseling Services. In this interview, they discuss the issue of potency in modern cannabis and the serious impact it’s having on youth functioning, among them being addiction and impaired neurodevelopment. Vaping, the newest form of ingestion allows the user to consume extraordinarily high doses of THC leaving odorless vapor and using a harmless looking vaping device. It’s critical for parents to be informed and not confuse the less potent and less dangerous marijuana of their youth with the potent and dangerous varieties of today. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who after pushing and prodding her son through high school, wonders how he will possibly be able to be successful in college. Neil shows how their control battle based relationship led to Mom suffering from burnout and son remaining dependent on his Mom. Neil offers Mom a way to shift out of their old relationship pattern and give her son responsibility for his college success. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who asks about how to get her 8 year old son to do something he flat out refuses to do, without losing her warm loving relationship with him. Neil uses this Mom’s question to help us see how important it is to have and communicate a positive vision of our kids. It is by holding and communicating this positive vision that children and adolescents learn to believe in themselves and believe in their ability to overcome obstacles. This is how parents gain the moral authority to require kids to do things, they simply don’t want to do. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling with her health, her business, and her two strong willed daughters. Neil helps this mother see the pattern she is in and how it was “programed†into her in childhood. Neil offers this mom a better way to see herself and a better way to let her daughters see her. Neil invites listeners to examine the messages they internalized in childhood that may still be limiting their happiness and success in adulthood. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil contrasts two clients he’s worked with, one starting out with personal worth issues and working in a very supportive corporate culture, and another with essentially high self-esteem working in a company whose culture changed for the worse. Neil shows how profound the impact of the work environment was on these two individuals and how they dealt with it and how he dealt with it as their therapist. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom trying to get help for her 18 year old son. He graduated high school with honors and has a scholarship to community college, but uses marijuana and puts holes in the wall when he gets angry. Neil offers this Mom a way to push restart in their relationship now that he is entering his young adult college years and how to make a break with the past and establish healthy expectations going forward. In this episode, Neil offers some good advice for counselors and parents to support empowered parenting. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Dad struggling to connect with his two boys and dealing with his wife’s criticism of his parenting. Dad thinks the main problem is that Mom is too lax and when he’s home, the kids aren’t used to following instructions. Neil realizes that both parents are experiencing parental burnout and both need support from each other, but are feeling depleted and alienated. Neil gives this Dad a way to connect in a positive way both with his wife as well as with his boys. He invites the listeners to pay attention to how they’re feeling and to be cautious about writing negative stories about their spouse when they’re depleted and experiencing PBO. Neil explains that the way to get the support that we want is to offer it to our spouse. That way it opens the support channel in the relationship.
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling to get her five-year-old daughter to stop bugging her to play when she’s trying to do chores, and feeling like “the bad guy†when Dad’s home and gets involved. Neil helps Mom understand her 5-year-old’s needs so that she doesn’t keep seeking negative attention to get attention. Neil recommends some books for Mom and Dad to read and discuss to get on the same parenting plan together. Also, Neil hears the strain of parental burnout with Mom and encourages her to get some down time for herself and for Dad to plan some Dad / Daughter time together. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil reports the shocking results from a survey on Parental Burnout conducted by the Business Performance Innovation Network. The survey reveals most parents experience Parental Burnout and over 40% report they experience it at a significant or profound degree. Neil sees these numbers at a threat to our society and addresses the causes and his vision of health and how to get there. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is struggling to get cooperation from her three kids to do simple tasks. Her husband tells her she’s making everyone miserable and she is crazy about cleaning and he says these things in front of the kids. Neil offers this Mom an approach to get her husband and everyone on board for helping in the home. Neil supports Mom’s notion that kids need to clean their rooms and he gives Mom a foolproof strategy to get cooperation. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who walked in on her son and his girlfriend having sex and freaked out and became unglued. Mom apologized the next day, but then demanded her son apologize for his behavior and for disrespecting her. Now their relationship is at a standstill. Neil takes this difficult situation and breaks it down into several areas of opportunity for Mom’s learning. Neil challenges listeners to examine their reactivity and personalizing and how it limits out comes in their lives. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who discovered his high performing teenage son is smoking MJ and his daughter has a fake ID. Neil helps this dad focus on responding in a way that will help his teenagers learn and grow and not feel that they can never disappoint their parents. Neil helps all parents know that they can’t and shouldn’t try to raise “perfect Kids†by making their lives “perfectâ€. Neil explains that many teens aren’t prepared to make healthy decisions when they get to college, because their lives were too structured and there was too much oversight during their high school years. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil speaks to the importance of teaching problem solving and goal setting skills to our kids. Neil identifies common problems and ways to engage kids in a solution as well as more proactive kinds of goal setting. Neil challenges parents to role model and teach goal setting to our youngsters. He asserts that it is the ability to set goals and take actionable steps on a regular basis towards those goals that invites health and an empowered “can do†attitude towards life. And isn’t that exactly what we want for our youth? Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother about her 19-year-old son. She’s concerned about his anger issues and tells a story about him cheating and blowing up at a card game with family friends. Neil expresses concern that her son is developing a personality disorder and he explains a bit about that disorder. He explains to Mom that her attempts to help her son are in the form of a Control Battle, and he offers her a way to role model apologizing and a positive way to communicate high standards and accountability. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil speaks to an article by Claire Cain Miller of the NY Times regarding woman who change their plans and become at home mom’s after their first child is born. Neil received a question from Judy and Sandy of the Mighty Parenting Podcast about whether this is an example of “over-parentingâ€. Neil explains what’s different about raising kids today and why being proactive and conscious, as a parent is a good thing. Neil also warns against some common parenting traps that undermine the intentions of good parenting. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
: In this episode Neil answers a question from Karen who wants to help your young adult niece “get her shit togetherâ€. Neil speaks to the importance and delicacy of establishing a mentoring relationship with an under-functioning young adult. In this podcast, Neil demonstrates a method that can be powerful, helpful, and non-judgmental. In the end, he calls on all family, friends, and professional helpers to be willing to take on mentorship, but to do it in a way that supports the young adult’s goals, and not theirs. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a psychiatrist who sees certain young adults who need clear limits from their parents, but wonders how to say it so that it isn’t judgmental or out of line. The doctor doesn’t want to keep offering medication trials and avoid the real issue. Neil explains that doctors and all helpers can only offer their knowledge, skill, and tools of the trade, but clients must all take responsibility for their own wellness. Neil shows listeners how to explain the role of family dynamics to families so that they take the next step to action. Neil challenges all listeners to recognize that family dynamics are at play, when the patient isn’t investing in their own recovery. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil talks about the importance of helping our kids develop their executive function by addressing it explicitly. After reviewing a book by Dr. Lara Honos-Webb, Brain Hacks; 50 Strategies and Tips to Improve Executive Functioning—Get Organized, Work Smarter, and Stay Cool Under Pressure, Neil shares his excitement about the empowerment and motivation he experienced and shows how he uses teaching the Big Five areas of executive functioning to his clients in therapy sessions. Neil challenges listeners to make improving executive functioning a family affair. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose teenage son decided to leave home rather than accept parental consequences and go to therapy. Neil speaks to the importance of kids having a positive healthy welcoming social environment in which to thrive. He addresses the challenges presented to immigrant parents knowing how to advocate for their children in US institutions such as the medical community and schools. In this episode Neil reviews the options of “out of the home programs†and in the home and community treatment. He uses a Santa Cruz County program, Food What, a youth empowerment and food justice organization as an example of a healthy healing positive peer culture. http://www.foodwhat.org Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose teenage son has IBS and won’t change his eating habits. Neil explains IBS and leaky gut syndrome and offers this mother a way to push reset in her relationship with her son and empower him to take responsibility for his health. Neil reminds this mother and listeners that we can’t rely on medicine or the medical community to make us healthy or happy; that we all have to be in charge of that for ourselves. Neil points out that the agricultural industry has too much influence over our eating habits and we need to retake control for ourselves. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil shares his childhood, young adult and professional journey and how he came to see family therapy as an opportunity for powerful change. In this rare and untypical podcast, Neil goes beyond his thoughts about families, children and teens, and takes on the bigger issues of our society, our political structure, and our planet. Neil does come “back to earth†and offers ways address these issues in families. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is wondering if Dads tend to be peacekeepers and because of that, support mediocrity while Moms support high standards and peace through accomplishment. Neil explains the many circumstances that feed this common dynamic but Neil doesn’t stop there. He offers a way forward so that these negative patterns don’t prevail. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is wondering if she is doing by sending her son to weekly therapy. He is socially isolated, plays endless video games, doesn’t eat or sleep well, and is anxious and depressed. Neil explains that it isn’t going to be helpful because Mom doesn’t know what is underlying his behavior and her son is unmotivated and doesn’t have insight into is own issues either. Neil suggests psychological testing as a way to understand his issues; his strengths and the areas he needs to work on, and how best to work on them. Neil challenges listeners that when they are concerned about the behaviors of the children, teens, and young adults they are parenting or working with, to be sure they understand what is driving the behavior and be sure to own their part of the solution. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is struggling with her 16 year old son, a positive young man who wants to please, but he gets himself in serious trouble every couple of months. This mother is concerned because Dad thinks their son is insincere and acting the part of the nice kid to get what he wants and she is feeling the fool for supporting him. Neil explains moral development and how some acting out teens have not internalized a value system, but others have and he reassures this Mom that her son does have an internalized value system, but is in a self-destructive cycle, supported by a family control battle. Neil gives this mother the necessary steps to end the control battle and support her son out of his self-destructive cycle. Neil challenges listeners to avoid shaming teens when they make bad decisions and instead ask the question, “why is a good kid like you, making bad decisions like this?†Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother who is wondering how family therapy would address a negative pattern in her family beyond what might be offered by parenting advise. Neil takes the opportunity of her question to explain some of the basic tenants of family therapy and he demonstrates dialogue that might be used in family therapy with this mother’s family. In this demonstration, Neil empowers each family member to “starve the beast†or change the negative pattern in the family. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a question from a Father who wants advice on how to respond to his daughter’s request to leave the college she just started, and come home. Neil speaks to the challenges of this profound life transition that often does not get the attention it deserves. Neil also explains how certain characteristics in families can offer young adult support at the expense of independence in some and independence at the expense of support in others. Neil gives this father an example of how he can speak with his daughter about staying and giving college a chance. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother wanting to decide when to reinstate privileges lost by her 16 year-old son for acting out. Neil takes on the many languages and philosophies for setting and implementing limits with teens. He introduces his tool, The Gap, to shift responsibility for reinstating lost privileges from parents to teens thus ending Control Battles and supporting essential teen learning and growing. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil welcomes in the New Year of 2019 with a New Year’s Resolution for us all; a mindset of Kindness. Neil starts with Kindness towards “the self†and how powerful and productive this can be. He moves on to Kindness towards the earth, our families, and random acts of kindness. Neil wants the listener to understand that a Kindness Mindset can improve our mental health, and the mental health of everyone we encounter. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a woman who is feeling stuck and hopeless about her marriage. She describes her husband as uncaring, charming, and making everything her fault. Neil explains the vital importance of couples needing a “learning and growing†attitude in order to build the skills for managing negative feelings and life problems. He speaks to how challenging this is given the need to be true to ourselves, while making room for our partner. Neil offers this woman a way forward for herself and gives her some scripts for being empathetic and also setting limits with her husband. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a woman who wonders why Neil didn’t identify verbal abuse in last week’s podcast. She had been in an abusive relationship but didn’t realize it until she read Patricia Evans’ book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship and is concerned that if it isn’t called out, that we’re enabling it. Neil explains the many factors that can influence how derogatory words are used and felt and how the label of abuse can be used productively and why sometimes it is not. Neil recommends Patricia Evans’ books and wants the listener to know that their emotional needs matter and that they always deserve respect, and adopting a personally empowered position and establishing healthy limits and boundaries is the best way to address issues and problems in a relationship and the best way to get great results in your life in general.
Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother wanting to help her 16 year old son open up and express his feelings. She reports that he had severe anxiety as a child and she is concerned that his unwillingness to open up is a manifestation of it. Now, when he is angry, he shuts down and she perceives it as a way to hurt others. Neil explains how Control Battles can be passive and covert as well as expressive and overt. If the battle continues, it can cement the passive aggressive behavior. Neil encourages the Mom to end the Control Battle and shows this Mom how to let her son’s behavior be a choice and not a battle; thus opening up the opportunity for him to make a different healthier choice. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
: Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother and preschool teacher wanting to know how to get preschoolers with Separation Anxiety out of the car and into the classroom. Neil addresses this parent/teacher concern after consulting with Joe Newman, author of Raising Lions. Neil goes on to explain the many reasons why it is vital that the parent own this responsibility and he gives parents a prescription for accomplishing it. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to a mother struggling with her son who avoids school work, starts and gives up on positive activities, and alienates friends. Neil helps this Mom set some goals: to help her son learn responsibility, make and keep commitments, cooperate with parents, and develop peer social skills. Then Neil gives Mom a strategy that will set the ball in motion to address them. Step one is changing the relationship pattern in the home. Step two is connecting with the school and 4H, to know her son’s needs and support him. Neil ends by challenging the listener to identify a relationship pattern that they need to change, a pattern that is limiting their potential. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who wants to know how not to take her daughter’s disrespect and hostility personally, when she is only that way towards her. To the Mom, it is obviously personal. Neil helps Mom see how her daughter’s behavior is tapping into her own childhood issues of “never being or doing enoughâ€. Neil helps this Mom differentiate between her childhood sense of self, and her adult sense of self and empowers her to respond to her daughter from her compassionate adult self. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who knows her childhood is affecting how she gets her feelings hurt as a mother and wife. But she wants tools for being able to be as confident and adult in her roles at home as she is in her roles at work. Neil offers this Mom a powerful healing exercise and demonstrates how to use it effectively. Neil shares that most of us, including him, have childhood issues that affect us and being aware of that and having a tool for healing that is something we can all benefit from. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a mother who took a stand with her 15-year-old son; she clarified parental expectations, removed privileges, and got good results. Now she wants to know how to avoid this being the new pattern of having to constantly withdraw privileges to get his attention. Neil uses this question to address the larger issue of changing out of an adversarial parent-teen relationship into one where parents and teens work together in support of adolescent growth and development. Neil offers language that takes the shame out of setting and enforcing limits and standards and makes it a more normal part of adolescent growth and development. Neil shows this Mom how to engage her son in a healthy dialogue about his own readiness for privileges. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Episode Description: In this episode, Neil responds to a woman who has her mother living next door who helps with childcare, but is chronically critical. She is so beaten down that she finds herself crying at the slightest provocation. Neil helps this Mom first attend to her burnout, and then change the pattern of her lifelong relationship with her chronically critical mother. Neil offers examples of new ways of responding to Mom’s criticisms that create a more empowered sense of self. In this podcast Neil celebrates his 100th episode with a give-a-way drawing of his book, Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode, Neil addresses the College Admissions Scandal and speaks to the importance of character development for achieving personal happiness and success. He challenges us to look at the lengths we go to clear the way for our youth, robbing them of opportunities to learn and grow from failure. Finally, Neil explains that a “great†college for one person may not be a “great†college for another and the right college will be a “great†college. In this podcast Neil reminds listeners that the give-a-way drawing of his book, Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle, Celebrating his 100th episode is still open. To enter, simply review this podcast on iTunes and send Neil an email from his website. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a question from a mother struggling with her bright talented daughter who is critical of almost everyone. She knows something needs to be done when the school tells her that they’ve talked to their daughter about bullying. On the school’s advice, parents sent their daughter to therapy, but with nothing changing they reached out to Neil. Neil examines nurture and nature possibilities and helps Mom understand that overtly or subtly, there is a control battle going on in the family that is supporting the very behavior they want to change. Neil shows this Mom how to talk with her daughter to change the family dynamic and how to reclaim an empowered and positive parental role. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a mother whose 2 daughters fight over everything. Neil identifies the 5 vital conflict management skills necessary in life and gives Mom a way to introduce them and teach them to her girls. In this way, she can make using the skills more attractive to them than fighting and arguing. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a woman concerned that her therapy isn’t providing her with what she needs. She’s being advised to get divorced and start anti-depressants, and she doesn’t like those options. Neil lays out the 5 critical things high quality therapy needs to provide, when a client feels mired in a painful situation. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a woman who doesn’t like that her husband is using pornography. Neil explains both the healthy and destructive uses of porn and the impact they have on relationships. He then helps this woman understand how she might engage a healthy discussion about her feelings. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose young adult daughter is just getting out of a drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. Her daughter wants to use medical marijuana for her anxiety and her mother knows that she’s a lot calmer on it. Mom wants to know if she should support that or not. Neil speaks to the damage done by many years of substance abuse by this young adult and offers a paradigm for making healthy decisions going forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a Dad who, after reading many books on parenting strategies, realizes that the real struggle is with his own behavior. He wants to know how to “keep his cool†when his kids don’t listen. Neil helps Dad by explaining the difference between unhealthy and healthy expectations and goals. Neil invites Dad to embrace the opportunities for personal growth offered by being a parent and demonstrates how to talk with kids to successfully set up change in the parent-child relationship. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a Dad who in dealing with his ADHD 14 year old son is being labeled by his wife, his mother, and his sister as being rigid. Dad thinks they are enabling his son and wants to know if he is being clear or rigid and how to deal with the woman in his life. Neil speaks to special needs teen development, best ways to work with them, how to be clear without being rigid and how to collaborate with his wife, mother and sister. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom dealing with her 14 yr. old son who accuses his parents of wanting to control him and enjoying taking away his privileges. Neil introduces a tool for parents to help teenagers understand that their behavior communicates their readiness for independence and privileges. He uses a role-play to demonstrate how to introduce it to your youth. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a man who wants to know how to deal with his wife’s constant criticisms. He is afraid the tension is heading them for divorce. Neil explains how defending against criticisms or requests is similar to fighting over the right of way with cars. When someone is in the intersection, they have the right-of-way and if we fight it, it will cause an accident; it’s the same with relationships. When someone brings something up, we need to help them through the intersection and that means helping them feel heard and supported. Neil helps this gentleman see how his way of thinking is taking him in the wrong direction and Neil gives him a healthy path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who wants to know how to talk with her 9-yr-old son when he absolutely refuses to go with the family on a scheduled event. The family has been struggling with his violent behavior and she reports he is extremely strong willed and has too much power in the family. Neil demonstrates a way to respond to refusal while staying aligned with a child’s goals. He also helps Mom have a better way to think about the problem and offers some resources for her son in addition to the family therapy they are receiving. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a therapist wanting to know the formula for raising confident, resilient kids. The therapist offers her list of 10 parenting strategies and Neil offers one more that he feels is critical. Neil speaks to the inhumane treatment and child abuse of minors at the hand of the US government and how profoundly destructive parental separation and neglect is to their development and challenges listeners to work to make the world a better place for ALL children to grow up with self-confidence and resilience. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom who can’t get the phone away from her 14 year old daughter. Mom is wondering how families are managing life with cell phones. Neil offers essential wisdom for teens and cell phone use, and shows this Mom that her daughter is struggling with loneliness and feeling disconnected in her family and gives Mom some powerful tools to turn things around. Neil invites listeners to look for the hidden message behind negative behaviors and address the problem rather than punish the behavior. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from Mary who’s husband makes special deals with the kids and tells them not to tell their mother. She’s extremely frustrated and wondering if she should end the marriage. Neil speaks to circumstances that would warrant ending a marriage, but challenges Mary to bring her best self to her marriage as well as the counseling she’s frustrated with. It’s only when we aren’t participating in the problem, that we’ll know if things can get better or if we need to “pull the plug.†Neil offers Mary a plan to bring to her next counseling appointment. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a man who’s wondering if the advice to validate your partner, applies if your partner is disordered and highly unreasonable. Neil explains that validation is not agreeing and explains and demonstrates how validation and limit setting go together and how to do both the right way. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
: In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who was involved in threats and counter threats with her 16 year old daughter. Now her daughter is out of the house and Mom is needing help knowing how to move forward. Neil explains how law enforcement can support parental authority and the difference between youth who act out with emotional issues and youth who have not yet internalized a value system. He offers this mother a strategy for ending the Control Battle, and getting her family the right kind of therapy. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has a well functioning 15 year old son, but goes into a rage when his parents say “NOâ€. Dad and Mom have been following “good parenting†models and avoided getting angry. Now they can’t establish effective limits. Neil explains the difference between destructive parental anger and healthy parental anger. He explains the potential negative consequences of this going on any farther and offers this Dad, a script to get his son on a healthy developmental path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is supporting her daughter with Anxiety Disorder financially and emotionally. Mom is wondering how best to help her develop her independence and if it makes sense of her daughter to come home, push reset, and start over again. Neil shows Mom how to take herself out of the helper position and how doing less will actually be doing more to help. Neil challenges parents and therapists to pay attention to the parent / young-adult relationship as a place that must be addressed for any therapy to be successful. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom wanting to know if giving allowance to her 12 and 14 year olds should be tied to whether or not they do their chores. She’s heard that they shouldn’t be tied together, but is concerned that offering allowance when her kids are not being responsible or respectful is sending a wrong message and it makes her feel taken advantage of. Neil takes a higher-level look at kids participating in home responsibilities and having their own money, and offers this Mom a path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who’s son was arrested for stealing pot. Mom was shocked because, while her older son was very challenging, this came out of the blue. Neil takes a deeper look at the dynamics that led to this including the Control Battle with the older brother and the impact it had on the whole family. Neil explains the impact of peer pressure and neuro-development on teen behavior, the risks of mediocrity, the opportunity offered by a crisis, and how individual therapy with teenagers too often colludes with the problem. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose gifted talented daughter signs up for everything and stresses herself and everyone else out. Neil looks at the different causes of youth over-commitment and stress and helps this Mom find the right parenting approach to change the family dynamic. Neil address when individual therapy is a good choice for this this teenager and when it is a bad choice. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil offers a cultural perspective for Anti-Bullying Month. He speaks to the many faces of bullying and he uses an example of a youth who withdrew from middle school to avoid a bullying culture to demonstrate how important cultural change is to end bullying. Neil explains how the current political climate is making the whole country feel unsafe and praises individual acts of courage that take on bullying. Neil challenges listeners to see where they can act to challenge a bullying culture. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother whose teen daughter doesn’t want to go back and forth to between Mom and Dad and just wants to live at Mom’s. Dad wants Mom to give her consequences and make her go. Neil offers perspective on divorce, shared custody with teens, and how to put the emphasis on communication and connection. Neil asks Mom to step up and lead in the area of emotional communication and take the pressure off herself to do Dad’s bidding. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother whose has a young adult living at home who is violent if she sets limits. Neil speaks to the importance of involving both the law enforcement and mental health communities to insure safety and treatment. Neil emphasizes that treatment will need to include changing the dynamic at home or any treatment that this special needs young adult receives will not be sustained or lead to real progress. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who sees her husband and their 9 year-old son building a power struggle over homework. Mom explains that Dad is a high achiever and very studious and wants to pass that on to his son. Neil helps Mom understand what might be driving her husband’s approach and offers a way to clarify their goals and values and even help Dad feel better about himself as well. Neil challenges the value of homework overall and stresses the importance of not allowing it to turn kids off to school. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 16-year-old son with anxiety and depression. She is at her wits end because he won’t use the skills that the professionals have given him and he uses his condition as an excuse to miss school. The doctor said there’s nothing he can do if her son won’t help himself. Neil explains that anxiety and depression are like many other conditions that children and teens have that ultimately require kids to take charge of. Neil helps this mother see the difference between giving up on her son, and giving up on trying to get him to manage his responsibilities. He gives her a Control Battle ending strategy and speaks to treatment alternatives when outpatient treatment isn’t enough. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil discusses the challenges young adults face in today’s world with international psychologist and placement specialist, Dr. Mark Burdick. The challenges young adults are facing today are more pronounced than ever. Neil and Mark discuss these challenges, some tips for successfully preparing youth for young adulthood and the opportunities that wilderness and residential treatment programs offer “at risk†young adults today. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 13-year-old daughter who refuses to go to counseling and won’t talk if made to go. Mother is trying to do the right thing for her daughter, but her daughter simply won’t cooperate. After attempts with several therapists, Mom feels frustrated and helpless. Neil helps Mom see that her daughter’s refusal to cooperate with therapy, is like other behaviors where Mom is trying to get her daughter to do or stop doing a behavior, and the daughter resists. Neil Speaks to how solutions become problems and how the Parent-Teen Control Battle is now the problem. Neil gives Mom some guidelines for ending the Battle and explains why parental involvement in the counseling with teenagers is vital to healthy outcomes. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 13-year-old daughter who refuses to go to counseling and won’t talk if made to go. Mother is trying to do the right thing for her daughter, but her daughter simply won’t cooperate. After attempts with several therapists, Mom feels frustrated and helpless. Neil helps Mom see that her daughter’s refusal to cooperate with therapy, is like other behaviors where Mom is trying to get her daughter to do or stop doing a behavior, and the daughter resists. Neil Speaks to how solutions become problems and how the Parent-Teen Control Battle is now the problem. Neil gives Mom some guidelines for ending the Battle and explains why parental involvement in the counseling with teenagers is vital to healthy outcomes. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has shared custody with an X-partner who is extremely emotionally unstable. He wants to know how having an emotionally unstable parent will affect his daughter and how to respond to her questions about her mother, without turning her against her mother. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom wanting to implement a New Year’s Resolution in her family, that they demonstrate an attitude of kindness. She knows what she wants, but doesn’t know how to get through to the others. Neil applauds the goal and speaks to the virtues of goal setting, and then moves to help this Mom create a strategy to accomplish it. Neil helps Mom see how her default way of dealing with others and her husband’s way, are creating tension in the family that is the root of the family competition and stress. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
n this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose 18 year-old daughter has anger issues and is refusing to follow advice and go to counseling. Neil explains to Mom in explicit detail why sending her daughter for individual counseling will change very little and why and how going to counseling as a family will provide a healthy direction and hope for real change. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a Mom struggling to limit her daughters’ cell phone use. She is frustrated that they always have a reason to have them since the cell phones serve so many functions. Neil explains the many documented down sides and risk factors from smart phone overuse and misuse and offers guidelines and a way to talk with teens to establish them. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds to a question from a single mother of four, and the oldest and youngest have a contemptuous relationship. She has tried to deal with it but her interventions have been unsuccessful and she’s wondering what if anything more she should do. Neil offers some approaches to family healing but most importantly, wants to empower this Mom to have her standards and values in the family respected and adhered to. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
In this episode Neil responds a Mom very worried about her 15 yr old son who eats horribly and has chronic diarrhea. She’s concerned about the short-term problems this creates and the long-term consequences. Mom has tried several ways to get through to her son, but her words are falling on deaf ears. Neil supports this Mom’s concerns and offers a strategy to help her reclaim an empowered parenting position and address this issue as the real health concern that it is. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit
Analysis of your sales funnel and how is it working for your business on Jill or Jack of all Trades Thursday where you need to know a little bit about a lot of things when you are a Solopreneur For more free trainings, go to HomeBusinessStartupToolkit at http://jgtips.com/tk